I'm busy working away on my Istanbul post. It's a lot to think through (we packed more than we realized into nine days!) and I don't want to force the few readers I have that aren't biologically programmed to love me into death by boredom. So give me a few more days and I'll have it up for you. Pictures are done (and up on my Facebook at least!) and the timeline is written. I promise it's coming :)
In the mean time I don't want to get crazy behind on what's been happening since I've been back. First and foremost, I'm back at work. And this time there was no warming up period, I just jumped right back into the deep end. It was a long, rough week. I don't know if I was having trouble because I'd gotten used to being away or if the kids were being crazy because I threw a wrench in their normal schedule or what, but there were times last week where I thought it was going to be more than I could handle. And this, coupled with the normal post-vacation "coming home" adjustments and some problems that my family has been dealing with, resulted in a severe bout of homesickness. By far the worst I've had since I arrived here. I spent a lot of time this week thinking about what it would mean to go back to Washington. Would that be giving up? Failing? Or just moving on to the next part of my life? And what exactly was I missing in Washington? The city? The people? The familiarity? It's hard to say. But after a few days of extreme grumpiness (which I am deeply grateful to my friends for weathering and even trying to help), I think I've started to come to my senses. The thing is, Berlin feels like home. Far more than Spokane or Cheney ever did. That feeling was only re-affirmed when I landed at the airport and felt the relief of the city sweep over me. But it's hard to accept a home without all of the people that you love. So yes, I think I want to stay in Berlin. I've now been here six months. For now I am planning on a second year. And I guess I'll see how I feel after that. I did let my host family know that I won't be extending with them next year and we've been discussing my flights back to the States. It's been comforting to know that I'll be home for Christmas and have only six more months until I can see my family again. And I'm going to try and use that six months wisely. I'm working on applying for jobs and making ties. I'm also working on a bigger goal. I know that people will say "You're young, you have time to decide what you want to do with your life." But I don't work like that. I have known since I was 17 that I wanted to live in Berlin. The plan was always high school, college, Germany. Now that I've accomplished that I just feel a little lost. This is the first time in my life that I've ever had no idea what I was doing and it's just a little terrifying.
So after my week of craziness I needed to both get away from my apartment and get back into life in Berlin. I spent a couple of nights at my friends' apartment in the city center and we did all the things that Berliners do. We stayed up unnecessarily late. We went out for coffee after midnight. We wandered into new bars because there's never a shortage of places to try. We met new friends from all over the world. We ate döner. We got in free to clubs where we had connections and danced until 6am. And it was really good for me. By Sunday I was actually feeling much better. And to top it all off, Sunday was a big soccer (or football to any non-Americans) match. Germany versus Denmark. Germany has gone crazy with patriotism, something I never saw here before, over these games. So Martina, Becki, and I decided to go fully German and go to the Fanmeile to watch the game. The Fanmeile is held on the street behind the Brandenburger Tor and is a huge gathering of people, jumbo TV screens, sausages, and beer. We arrived three hours early to get a spot near the very front. By the time the game started there were approximately 500,000 people behind us. It was absolutely wonderful to be surrounded by all of those people and their joy and enthusiasm (we won the game after all). There was just no way I could not be happy, not be in love with life and with this city, while surrounded by that. Ok, so there was one little incident with some crowd control gas, but it was super mild and absolutely nothing compared to some of the havoc that has resulted from the European Football Championships in the past. I even managed some decent pictures, which you can see here. All in all, there's a good chance that that game was what saved Berlin for me.
In one week the Kita will close for three weeks of summer vacation. I'll still have to work with my kids, but it will at least be a nice change of pace. Last week we had a Science Day at the Kita, which was really fun. Each group prepared a science experiment and then we set up stations for the kids to go around and try everything out. Our kids are little, two and three year olds, so we went with something simple. Goop. It's just cornstarch and water. But they loved it. And it was wonderful to watch them being kids and learning and discovering and just finding all the joy in life's little pleasures. This week we had a going away party for the three year olds in our group who will be moving to the next level after the summer break. I'm gonna miss them like crazy, but it was nice to have a chance to appreciate how much they've changed and grown just in the six months since I've been here.
I just got a phone call demanding that I come out and see people tonight. It's 9:00pm now and I'm still at work, but I promised to make the hour trek into the city anyway. That's Berlin for you. That's my life now. And I love it. Despite the uncertainty and the rough weeks and the homesickness, I wouldn't change it for anything.
This week I haven't been able to get enough of this song. It really has helped me to vocalize my struggle with myself, my future, and my relationships. The title is Too Close by Alex Clare. Enjoy.
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